Rough Day

Today was tough.  Anna and Kate have been in the NICU for almost 7 weeks and it is beginning to really wear me down.  When I went back to work before Christmas break, there was an end in sight; I knew that I would only be there for 2 weeks and then I would have Christmas break to enjoy with my girls.  I honestly did not believe that I would be going back again after the break.  Now, going back day after day and not knowing when the "end" will be before the girls come home, it is much more difficult.

On Friday, when I found out what happened with the download, I was frustrated, but I was resting in knowing that God was completely in control.  They did another download this morning and Eva, the nurse practitioner, came by to talk to me while I was visiting the girls.  Anna is having bradys that they are pretty sure can be attributed to reflux and Kate is having episodes of apnea, during which she forgets to breathe for about 20 seconds or so.  Both are serious enough that they must remain in the hospital and Eva was not able to give me any sort of time frame for when they might be able to come home.  I was able to hold my composure while she was there and while I talked with Staci afterwards, but as soon as I started to tell Phil, I broke down.  Why are my babies still there?  When will they be able to come home?  I am trying so hard to stay strong and to fully trust in the Lord, but I have to admit that I am struggling.  As grad classes start tomorrow, I am still working, and the girls are still in the NICU, I am overwhelmed.

I am continually praying for strength and peace in this situation that I know only God can provide...please pray for me too!  I know that the Lord is sovereign and that He loves Kate and Anna even more than we do and that He has them in the palm of His hand.

When I came home after such a defeating day, I found this in the girls' room.

Isn't my sister Melissa amazing???  We saw something similar to this in a store about a week after the girls were born and she made one for me! She painted the whole thing free-hand on a blank canvas!  Honestly...she is really talented!!!

This is just the reminder I needed that God made Kate and Anna exactly the way He wanted! He knew that they would be born early and He knows exactly how much time they will spend in the NICU.  Thank you God for our two precious baby girls.  Thank you that they are happy and healthy.  Please help me to rest in the assurance that you know them completely and that you have them in the palm of your hand!  I praise you because they are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Lord, give me the strength to continue to push through the next days (or weeks) that they are in the hospital and peace knowing that YOU ARE IN CONTROL and that YOUR TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT.